And then she realized, it was all a lie.

She didnt love him. She loved the idea of love. She had that want to be wanted. She was never truly happy. Ofcourse there were these moments, times where the laughter flowed and the hugs and kisses felt real. But these moments were only temporary. And once they faded, she was left with all the pain and betrayal of the past. A past that kept repeating and she knew in her heart of hearts, it would occur again.

She wanted so desperately to be loved a certain way. The way she loved him. Or rather, the way she knew how to be when you loved someone. She did everything for him and received nothing of equal value in return. However, she now knew why. For all this effort and sacrifice was not for him, it was for her. She was trying to fool herself into thinking it was love. Therefore how could he return the actions that werent soley meant for him? Perhaps it was love in the beginning, but now it was just a front.

It is in this front where she got comfortable. Pretending for so many years. Fooling herself and others. This is all she knew. This to her was normal. The cycles of hurt and high emotions were brushed off and justified in her mind. But, deep down she knew it was wrong. She knew they were wrong. However, she was lost in this world, searching for an ounce of truth. A truth that turned out to be harsher than her present reality.

-Monica

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